Hello, so last week we had to write a retell a story about a firefighter that saved a Kitten, but the weird this is, it was real!!!
To edit we used ARMS, ARMS is, add, remove, move and substructure. I found this strategy really easy to use.
“We have a fire!!!”As my weighted boots traveled closer to the door, my heart skipped a beat. Hazy smoke covered the whole room, which made my breathing harder than an asthma attack!Ceiling boards came down. Installation surrounded the floor ,and the walls blackened ! Then as I turn my light on ,I search for signs of life in the room, but in the corner of the bem I spot a very small figure that looks like a toy cat…
As soon as I get closer, it hits me. The small figure is a little kitten! I pick it up and rush outside to try to revive the small cat. Straight after I get out the door, I grab a gas tank, plus a small breathing mask…
Once I have gathered all of the equipment I lay the cat on the ground, to attach the breathing mask to the kitten's mouth. While the oxygen was trailing from the tank to the kitten, I poured some cold water onto its fur to cool it down and to try get some of the blackened ash that covered i,t off.This was so close to a miracle, because out of know where this little furry paw comes to greet me. A wave of relief also comes to greet me, and this time I put the once toy cat now living creacher in my arms.
Hello, I love all your describing words, to be honest I think everything else is good. Aria
ReplyDeleteHi Te Atawhai,
ReplyDeleteWow your blog post really stood out to me.What I would like to know is if what you were in the story and if you wrote the storey. But otherwise it was very good. From Lila
Hey Te Atawhai,
ReplyDeleteI love how you have made the writing short but really fun for the reader to read it and we know what's happening. It exciting to read to find out more about your story. It reminds me of when I got my first kitten and my second kitten. And you wrote i,t off instead of it, off. otherwise that I only have stars for you. Good job!
From Kyla-Rose
Hello Te Atawhai,I like you added good punctuation like exclamation marks and speech marks. Every thing else looks perfect.Zoe
ReplyDelete